It's music release time, where I take a trip down to the local record store and give you the skinny on what albums are dropping this week so you can be an educated consumer about it. However, since this is 2009, the local record store is named iTunes and you've probably pirated leaked versions of all this crap anyways. That's not going to stop me from snarking on it though.
Wyclef Jean - From The Hut To The Projects To The Mansion - Oh, that's great, Wyclef. Why didn't you just call this The I'm Rich Album? Congratulations, you got that paper. Or how about Lauryn Hill Lost Her Mind But I Didn't? Really, let's be completely honest here and just call it The Black Eyed Peas Made My Existence Redundant. I'm sure that would move some units at Sam Goody.
Tori Amos - Midwinter Graces - Hey, does anybody still listen to Tori Amos after that hideous American Girl concept album thing where she pretended to be a bunch of ca-raaazy dolls? I'm waiting for somebody to raise their hands. It probably isn't helping matters that she's a dead ringer for Kathy Griffin these days. Midwinter Graces is a "seasonal album," which is usually called a "Christmas album" when an artist's fanbase isn't composed of aging goths who think Jesus is dumb.
Bon Jovi - The Circle - The pride of New Jersey returns for another attempt at convincing people that being from New Jersey is cool in any way. I would really like to do a "People Of Wal-Mart" thing that's "People Of A Bon Jovi Concert." I'm sure it's just the prime cuts of the human race there.
Wale - Attention Deficit - This guy's been doing pretty good on the mixtape circuit, but that's not a promise of quality from his first solo LP, which features production from Mark Ronson, 9th Wonder, and more hipster favorites. Throw in a guest appearance from Lady Gaga and I'm going to put this one under "extremely skeptical," subfiled under "white people." But you never know - it could end up hot.
Dashboard Confessional - Alter The Ending - Is this a thing that people still listen to? I thought this guy's joke got old in like 2002, 2003 tops. He plays the acoustic guitar! Imagine that!
On many occasions, my friends and i toss around the question 'which musical act (dead or alive) would you most like to see in concert?' While the other guys throw out the usual suspects - Beatles, Zeppelin, Hendrix, C&C Music Factory - I throw out John Tesh. Tesh is right up there with Yanni for dudes I'd give my right eye to see live. In this clip, Tesh, the man who brought this world such hits as the theme song from Bobby's World, discusses the birth of the NBA on NBC theme. And since the NBA is back in season, and since the last time i watched the NBA was back in '94 when I was wearing sweat pants and listening to Mr. Wendel on my cassete player, I feel like bringing it back . . .
"ROUNDBALL ROCK" (LIVE AT RED ROCKS) - WARNING: CHEESY CALL AND RESPONSE SOLOS BETWEEN GUITAR AND VIOLIN
This kid will either have A) daddy issues B) a meth problem C) love the company of men or D) all of the above when he gets older. I'd say the odds on D) are pretty damn good.
This geeky real life super hero nerd movie staring Nicolas Cage and Christopher Mintz-Plasse, could acutally be its namesake. Okay so minus points for Nick Cage, but still... potentially ass kicking.
I've said this once and I'll say it again... if your movie sucks ass, just throw the ol through the legs shot on the cover and BAMN instant sales increase.
I'm surprised I haven't heard this done before but this is a pretty good use of The Knife's "Heartbeats" for a hip hop song about what else, drugs. Drugs huh? Way to explore uncharted territory, MC Magellan.
If you're an It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia fan then you're already familiar with the dick towel from last week's episode but now is your time to buy your very own! For some reason when I ordered one, it had two small cocks instead of the usual large and small....weird.
